A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
