My room smells like vodka and shame
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
