will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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