i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize