I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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