We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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