just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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