I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
