i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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