i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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