your room smells of hookers.
And success
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
