It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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