this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
