Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
