Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
