in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
