my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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