he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
