Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
