im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
