have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
