there was a trapeze. enough said
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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