well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
