Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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