I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
