My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
