I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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