If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
