Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
