umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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