i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
