I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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