she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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