Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
