I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
