but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he fucked my hip out of place.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
