Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
