just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
