I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
