ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
