I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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