There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
