sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize