I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
