its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
