hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
