dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
