Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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