So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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