I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
