I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
