I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
