when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
