My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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