I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
