This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You pole danced in your parka.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
