Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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