This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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