Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
