So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
