I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
