I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
