My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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