doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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