new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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