When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
