Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's never too late to be topless.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
