so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
